Random Thoughts: Leaving the job you hate yet love so much.

In two weeks, I will be unemployed, literally walang trabaho.  I've spent three years working in this company - staying up late for work, getting stressed, and at the same time having fun. 

I didn't intend to work for this company. I remember applying to the company just across our office. Sa kabilang office ako nagbigay nang resume.  I even took the test, was interviewed and already scheduled for a training. But I guess God finds a way to let you be in a place where He wants you to be.

I had a rough start working with the company. No one talked to me and I was on my own. Some of my co-workers didn't like me. Feeling ko hindi ako tatagal.  

I was just an ordinary employee when my boss decided to give me a position. Though I had no idea what to do, I agreed. "Sige na, kahit hindi ko kaya. Pang-resume din yan." 

Few months passed and my work started to pile up. Masakit sa anit! Totoo nga ang sabi ni Uncle Ben sa Spiderman, "with great power. comes great responsibility". Not just great responsibilities pero may kasama ring sleepless nights, endless overtime, erratic schedules and more. 

Minsan, kahit sa panaginip ko kausap ko ang boss ko. May meeting daw kami.

I dreaded Sundays too. I hated the fact that I’ll be at work the next day. Every Monday, I pray that it’ll be Friday the next day.

Palagi akong pagod. Mag-lo-log-in pa lang ako sa aming makalumang bundy clock, pagod na ako. Kalbaryo na sa akin ang maghintay nang FX pauwi dahil sa sobrang pagod. I would rather sleep the whole weekend than go out. Because I am tired. Really tired.  

But there are so many things I am thankful for.

I have learned to be patient - a characteristic that I lack especially kapag mahaba ang pila sa banko, sa cashier at sa CR sa Megamall. 

I have learned how to listen to people and how to be sensitive to their feelings. I used to be one-sided with my opinions but working in this company made me realize the importance of listening and being sensitive. 

I have learned that sometimes, you have to respect the people in authority kahit feeling mo mali sila at tama ka. They may be wrong but kahit paikot-ikotin ang mundo, boss mo pa rin sila. 

I have learned how to negotiate. Minsan, kelangan talaga makipag-compromise. Eto pala yung palagi kong naririnig sa TV na 'let's meet half-way'. 

I have learned how to conceal my feelings in front of other people. Being transparent doesn't always work. There are times that you have to set aside your feelings in order for you to think properly and do things correctly. Kahit bad trip ako, I have to smile because I want others to know that I am there for them. Kahit pagod ako, I have to help because I might be the only person who could help them. Kahit malungkot ako, I have stay positive so that everybody stays positive. 

I have to learned how to multitask. Yung kumain nang dinner habang may paper work na tinatapos. Yung magmake-up habang sumasagot nang messages. 

I have also learned to set aside the things that I want to do in exchange for more important things in life. Yung tipong isusubo mo na ang iyong dinner pero ibaba mo na lang ang kutsara dahil tinatawag ka nang boss mo sa office. 

I have learned so many things.

Maliban sa sweldo na kinikita ko, one of the things that made me stay was that I have met new friends. I started out working without someone to talk to during my breaktime. Okay lang sa akin 'yon. Besides, I am working because I need to earn, bonus na lang if I make friends. Pero I am so blessed to have crossed paths with people that I consider as friends, hindi lang as officemates. 

I also enjoy the working with most of the people in our office. 

Unfortunately, in two weeks' time, I'll be leaving this company. I submitted my resignation last March. Only a few people know about it. 

How do geese know when to fly to the sun? Who tells them the seasons? How do we, humans know when it is time to move on? As with the migrant birds, so surely with us, there is a voice within if we only know how to listen to it, that tells us certainly when to go forth into the unknown - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross 

Eto ngayon ang peg ko. 

Sometimes, there’s something inside that tells you that it’s enough. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero I have this feeling that I have to move on.

I have to move on because I have to consider my husband now that I am married.  

I have to move on because I have to take a break from all the stress.

I have to move on because there’s a voice inside me that tells me to do so.

Now that I have few days left to stay, why do I feel sad? Takot ako mawalan nang trabaho? Pwede. Mabigat sa loob kong iwan ang mga taong naging kaibigan mo sa kumpanya? Oo naman. Nalulungkot ako na iwan ang kinasanayan kong gawin araw araw? Oo.  

I thought it will be easy for me to leave pero hindi pala.

Looking at the brighter side, I think leaving may be the best thing to do at the moment.

I don’t know what I will do on my first Monday na wala akong pasok. I have never been unemployed even for a single day from the time I’ve started working. I guess I will clean the house or watch or sleep. But for the first time, I will be having a stress-free Monday which I think all of us deserve.